Nobody warned you about this part

Missing your old life. Resenting your partner’s sleep. Feeling nothing at 3am, then guilty for feeling nothing. These are some of the most common things parents tell me — and some of the least said anywhere else.

Mixed feelings are normal

You can love your baby and miss who you were. You can be grateful and furious in the same afternoon. None of it makes you a bad parent.

There’s no right way to feel about becoming a parent. There’s only how you actually feel.

When it might be more

• If low mood lasts most days for more than two weeks.
• If you feel detached from your baby, or frightened by your own thoughts.
• If you can’t sleep even when the baby does.

Any of those is worth telling your doctor or health visitor about — and worth talking to someone who works with new parents. Perinatal depression and anxiety are common, and they respond well to help.